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show not tell-suspense!

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  • The shape came towards me- I could see a man's outline. He was getting closer, there was sweatshirt and a hood and ....
    a man
  • ......
    a code
  • It was old and falling down. No one had lived there for years. The forest had grown up around it and the trees made it even darker looking. There was one light in the window- who or what could be there?
    a haunted house
  • ......
    a ghost!
  • ....
    a full moon
  • My fingers were chilled to the bone and the hairs on my arms were standing straight up. My hands started to get damp, my heart began thumping...
    I was scared
  • The mist swirled around the bare trees. A wind whistled through the dead, brown branches. The road disappeared into the mist and I could hear the sound of a machine a long way ahead.
    an empty road
  • .................
    a black cat
  • Down, down, down the stairs went: dark and narrow. I would not be able to see them well. I wondered if there was a rail to hold on to. I could almost see it at the bottom, and old, wooden mess- green with mould and a broken metal handle
    basement door
  • There it was again, a small scratching sound. It was too high up to be a mouse, and too repetitive to be a child. I knew there was no one else in the house...there it was again!
    (a sound) behind the door
  • .....
    It was a dark night/ It was dark.
  • ......
    trapped / hiding